Letter

My dearest daughter Shraddha (,

The moment I realized I was pregnant, my joy knew no bounds. That was a rainy July month; your daddy dearest was out for work in the interiors of Berhampur ( for Swacch Vidyalaya Abhiyan). I sprang up to give him a call stating he will be a dad soon. As soon as he heard, he was overjoyed too and said that day he would come back soon after work. There were butterflies in my tummy. I was unsure whether a Prega-news kit could actually give accurate result for pregnancy. However, after trying for several months I got the two purple ticks result confirming positive news. Daddy dearest came soon and hugged me. I cannot tell you baby how shy I was to face him. I don’t know why.
Your first ultrasound scan was done in Balaji Pathology, wherein it was hard to say whether I was actually pregnant or not. You were sooooooooooooo small to detect.
First month morning sickness made me dread over the fact ‘why does motherhood include so much pain’? , Second and third months were no good as well. Daddy dearest had graciously allowed me to go to my mommy’s place to take complete rest and recover from the continuous vomiting and constipation that had made me look pale. He on the other hand was stuck with the SVA work in Berhampur still. Although he kept visiting us every 15 days, yet his heart was always around you. All my scans in CWS hospital were the only exciting periods where I could see you in 2D images in black and white sheets. My EDD calculated was on March 9th. I kept counting days since then for your arrival. My health quite improved when I came back to our home in Talcher after your daddy dearest’s SVA got over (that’s a long story, ask him ;)). Daddy dearest helped me get through this pain. He started pampering me more and more like never before. Obviously, as you were there inside me crouched like a tiny doll. The world seemed better and better day by day. I felt excited to feel you inside me. Most of my time went away in Googling about pregnancy and most importantly knowing your gender; reading the old wive’s myths. I always since day 1 wanted a GIRL CHILD. You can ask your daddy dearest, he will tell you nicely ;).
Your first kick was the best feeling I would say. Your daddy dearest always kept on asking, did you feel the baby yet? I had no answer, until one day I felt like a butterfly fluttering its wings inside me. Gradually those fluttering turned into kicks and thereafter into punches as well. There was no specific craving associated with food related to my pregnancy but, daddy dearest always took care of my food and favourites. I couldn’t smell the cooking powders in the kitchen and most of the time I felt drained out; hence daddy dearest got us food from the guesthouse nearby. Thanks to him that we overcame our sickness soon and I could come back to life to support your growth inside me. Everyone took special care of me so that you come out safe and healthy.
Fifth to seventh months were the most pleasant months of pregnancy. You started growing bigger and bigger inside me. I could time and again feel your movements. Active in late nights and dull throughout the day. Daddy dearest would play with my tummy to feel you move your tiny hands and legs touching the inner surface of my baby bump which was slowly trying to show then. It was the only time I felt gaining a few kilos was great. In my dreams I saw you as beautiful daughter born to us, the wonderful dresses I would buy for you and how will you be the apple of our eye.
Then one day as I went for my check up in central hospital, Talcher the Radiologist detected a large head of yours inside me. The diameter of your head interpreted the EDD to be sooner around 17th Feb 2016 (+/- 7 days). It was hard to believe that you would arrive soon in our arms. Daddy dearest and I panicked and we rushed a weekend to Rourkela as it was already mid January. Doctors in Rourkela also couldn’t predict the EDD same reason being your big head. To have a normal delivery I was all active, went for walks in the evenings yet, CS was written in my fate.
The ninth month was the most exciting month. Several people came to see me, got delicious food for you inside me. I had started feeling so heavy that I had almost lost my appetite. I stopped visiting people and confined myself indoors. My bladder would always feel full as your head was down there resting right on top of it. I had terrible sleepless nights. I started being busy. Read the Bhagwad Gita, painted canvases, wrote blogs and listened to devotional songs. Though I was all suffocated and nervous inside yet I managed to be active and helped my mommy in household activities.
One fine day when I went to the hospital for monthly check up, I got to see you personally in a scan by Dr. Rupali Biswal. I can’t tell you how beautiful you looked baby. Your sweet face was so mesmerising that I wanted to enter the screen and hug you. As expected the doctor made sure I made up my mind for CS delivery. A hurried check up day was decided to again detect your growth and estimate your EDD. It was a beautiful Friday morning the 19th of February 2016 your grandparents wedding anniversary and your grandpa’s birthday too. My Doctor suggested I should get admitted that very day as she won’t be available the next week. Daddy dearest gave thumbs up to go for it. He hurriedly started from Talcher to reach on time to see you baby. I couldn’t see him before entering the OT as he had not yet reached. Nervous yet brave outside I prayed for a safe delivery from within. The moment I got the ting of anaesthesia I knew I should count my stars. They had to cut open a generous portion of my lower tummy to bring you out. Within minutes (exact time 6:16pm) you were out yelling at the top of your voice. You were continuously crying. The doctors congratulated me saying it was a baby girl. Lying there with scissors and needles I laughed and thanked my God for my desire was fulfilled. A tiny cute little angel was born to us. The doctors allowed me to peep in and see your face while they were stitching the incision made. I was sooooooooo happy to see you my love. I wished you a happy birthday there ( inside the OT.
They took you away from me to clean you and feed you, and I was there still waiting to come out and see you and daddy dearest first. After about one hour I was shifted from OT to recovery room where everyone came to see me. All told only one thing such a beauty you were!!! I only wanted to listen to what daddy dearest had to say. I kept looking for him longing to see him next to me. He came in a short while and I got all emotional seeing him. Daddy dearest went on telling about you. He was all excited to see you love. He couldn’t stop talking about you. I was happy that he was happy and excited. I was in deep pain after operation, I was in a subconscious state smiling at everyone and from deep within I wanted to see you. My mummy finally brought you after few hours and I fell in Love with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Words can’t describe the joy of being finally able to see you after nine long months baby. You were a blessing in disguise. I pray that you always bring joy to others and let your presence kindle others lives. It is time for you to open your eyes and see the wonderful world around you which has become much brighter with your presence. For me you are the best gift that life has ever given me. I Love You my baby and will continue to do so till my last breath.
                                                                                                                                                         --- Yours
                                                                                                                                                            Mummy

Little Joys of Life

To love and to be loved is a rare combination in the current world that we live in. Either loving someone truly has become a joke, or to be loved by others is a strange expectation we all have. Isn’t Love a continuous phenomenon; which develops and grows with time? Love in any relationship, family or an intimate friendship, is only about putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own, and that, my friend, is just as simple and a complex as you make it. Even the nicest people have their own limits; respect is earned and not given. Remember karma has no deadline and goes around comes around…

All of us when born, come with an empty hard disk (brain), the matter within depends on what characteristics we adopt from our parents mainly or a guardian. It is such a complex world we try to understand slowly and steadily as and when we keep growing. Getting deluded by wrong temptations is so easy that gross accumulates faster than wisdom. Couldn’t all the consequences of our actions be known all before hand? Going back in time ‘interstellar’?

Love is all about learning and feeling good for others which no doubt is a mind game. The relations pre- existing in our lives are to be placed orderly with the ones which would form later in the mainframe mosaic of one’s life. Selfless, unconditional love lasts longer than pretending and expecting something in return. Loving one’s parents and siblings is the first thing all do in their early lives, moving on to loving their friends, their life partner after marriage which again involves pure love and a transparent relationship and lastly loving your own child which in itself is a big duty and responsibility. It is the cycle of life which has to go on with the wheels rotating and crossing every pothole that comes in its way.

If you feel all this is going tangential up in the air, take a deep breath and do what makes you happy. As all that we say and do are based on one’s own perceptions of life. Neither you nor I can define what kind of love we need and what kind we can afford to give others. Well one thing remains constant: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If we could look into each others hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other more and more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. At the end of our lives, we will not be judged by how many diplomas or degrees we have received, how much money we have made or how many great things we have done. What will matter most is how you have left your impressions on others. Hence stop comparing yourself with others and stay focused on your own journey and leave footprints behind……start doing small things with great love…good luck. :) :)